Simon is working late tonight and although I miss him and the children miss seeing him, we are a well oiled machine when he is away. They know how far I will go. Everyone is bathed and in bed. They have read their books, eaten several of their 5-a-day, brushed their teeth, played together nicely and allowed me the time to sew together two more bags for the fair.
Simon is our bread-winner and the 'man-of-the-house' and we all have huge amounts of love and respect for him but sometimes (well, most of the time) I feel like the parent in charge. It is I who make them eat fruit when they would rather not, me that listens to them read and chants spellings at them several times a week, me that makes them go back and brush their teeth again! Me that nags them to put their socks in the wash basket when they take them off! And it is part of the deal, Simon earns the money (and works very hard for it) that allows me to stay at home and shape them into the people I would like them to become. That I can be proud of. And I am; when they remember, always, to say please and thank you, when they hold doors open for strangers, when they are kind to each other and their friends, I know that I did that.
But I am just NOT Daddy. I do tickle when I get them out of the bath and wrap them in warm towels, there is the occasional raspberry blown on an exposed bit of flesh when getting ready for bed, there is an odd joke here and there, I take them to exciting and fun places, there are cuddles and kisses aplenty but to the children I am just not as much fun as Daddy. It makes me sad because I feel sometimes that if I was as much fun as Daddy they would relish my company more. But they would not be the people they are, would they?
And then it turns sometimes. When they are poorly or too tired or hurt or sad they want me. Simon can run when one of them has fallen and lift them into his big strong arms but he is not good enough then. That makes me sad too because his cuddles are as good and his love is a strong.
Maybe children need a 'good cop' and a 'bad cop' to be well rounded....?
Sometimes I'd like to be the good cop!
Blimey, that was deep (or mad), sorry!