What I Need Is.....

...... an early menopause! Feeling very sorry for myself today. I am not at graduation, am not partying, am not celebrating wonderful magic breasts with like minded people, am not showing off my amazing new hair colour. I have a migraine. Again. I have suffered migraine for twenty years now and if my mother is anything to go by I will suffer for another twenty years until I reach my menopause. I would swap any day for normal 'period pain'. Give me back ache, belly ache and general grottiness once a month. I have two days of stabbing eye pain, sickness, and aversion to light when I 'ovualte' and then four days of hell when I menstruate. I awoke at 3am yesterday morning to be sick. I had a piercing pain through my right eye from back to front, I had a numb cheek on the right side and a numb shoulder and breast on the same side. I knew this was going to be bad. I didn't dress yesterday and barely moved from the bed. Am so glad that my boys are so good and they just lay with me, Sebastian swapping from side to side, Nathaniel watching cbeebies and stroking my hair from time to time. I have been to school now three times in the same pair of vomit smelling pyjamas. I am going to try and get washed in a little while. I have managed to be sick only twice this morning. Yesterday I had to stop the car en route to school to be sick, the ultimate humiliation (I do hope no one saw me). This is the worst I have been since I became pregnant with Sebastian, I don't get them regularly when I'm pregnant. I think it's time to get serious again about treatment. It's stealing my life. I have tried hormone treatments and various drug packages without success but it has all gone by the way side as most of the last nine years I have either been pregnant or breastfeeding. I cannot spend the next twenty years like this. Feeling very sorry for myself and am teary about missing a very important celebration of my efforts and passion and ability. But crying is making my head hurt more, sniff, pulling self together. But on the plus side, I have managed to keep down water this morning and the numbness has left my breast so we have hit the peak and are now on the way back to normality. The strange (and annoying) thing is that I have not started to menstruate again and don't expect to for a while!