I got got by the gloominess over summer. The weather was bad, my sister suffered a terrible loss and for reasons of her own hasn't let me give her the support and love I wanted to. It brought back sad memories from my past. We're living mostly upstairs still and there being six of us made this an adventure for about three days before we all felt squashed and longed for some privacy. I feel a bit fat and a bit old and a bit useless. I feel like a bad mother and a bad wife.
My rational brain knows this is not true but it's how I feel.
My mood has improved some with the return to school for the children and work for me. The days in the week have some structure and I like the comfort of routine and knowing what's happening next.
Nathaniel is enjoying being a schol boy, he's learning lots everyday and loving being with his 'boy friends'!
Francesca has settled well into Y3 and has her favourite teacher again this year.
Elizabeth is adjusting slowly to the more intense pace of Y6 and we have been looking at secondary schools. When she brought the application pack out to me after school I thought I would sink to my knees in the play ground and howl at the sky. I was very restrained and simply burst into tears and hugged her (she was glad none of her chums were there to see).
Sebastian just gets bigger and bigger everyday, he jumps with two feet, he sings songs, makes jokes and is thoroughly entertaining from the moment he wakes in the morning until he goes to sleep at night.
It saddens me that they are growing and changing so much. every now and then it hits me how far they are from being babies. They are fierce independant individuals. They are their own people. They are my babies.
I am trying (as I did when Seb left the breast) to embrace the changes and look at this time as a new chapter in our relationship. A new adventure for us to share. A small part of me grieves though for my four tiny bundles. I feel powerless sometimes when they are hurt by their peers words or actions, when they struggle to achieve something they want to. Wrapping them tight in my arms and holding them to my body and loving every fibre of them is not always enough as it once was.
Anyway, enough random emotional ramblings for one day!!
I had a boost when a lady from the Alternative Women's Institute emailed and asked me to attend their vintage tea party again. I had a wonderful time last year and readlily agreed. That prompted a 'stock take' as making time has been on the small side since I started work. I was pleased with how many lovely things I have made and ready to go!
The party will be in the run up to Christmas so I have started to compliment existing stock with gifty type things. I have added some felt tree decorations to the Folksy shop and they will be coming with me along with some robins.
I have been knitting these lovely yummy hand/wrist warmers/fingerless mitts (whatever you want to call them). Each pair is slightly different and I love them all;
And for cold evenings I am knitting this mitre square blanket to keep me warm and snug;